I wake up in a cold sweat screaming out. I realize it was only a dream this time. The dreams come more frequently now and they seem to be getting worse. Maybe it's the lack of sleep causing me to have this delirium, or maybe it's not being able to tell what day I am on anymore. Today is Thursday or is it Wednesday, maybe it's Friday I don’t remember anymore. I have the support of my family and they tell me I do a wonderful job all the time. My friends are just as supportive, but none of them know the darkness that creeps inside me. They do not know the battle that wages within me each waking moment and now in my dreams. It has become harder to keep it locked up. My job is taking a toll on my psych and I feel I am at the edge of breaking. Too many times has my job pushed me to the limits, too many times has my job pushed me to become who I am not, to push away feeling of compassion and excitement in order to get the job done. The day is coming when I feel I will explode and I do not want the casualties to be my family and friends, but I can’t stop doing it, I can’t stop being the hope that people expect every time the call comes in. I have to keep going, I have to continue to have hope I am making a change. I believe…I believe…?!